If you are only focused on one person, chances are you are going to stay emotionally attached. You might also find that the one person you focused on is not only focused on you, and they are probably keeping their options open as well. They will be less attached to you than you are to them, and this could lead to them pulling away and putting their attention elsewhere which will hurt.
Keeping your emotions close to you and not becoming attached will help you realize all of this. By keeping your options open and dating more than one person at a time, you will not be able to become emotionally attached or too dependent on that person.
Please note: this is NOT a suggestion if you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. If you spend the time getting to know someone and there is potential there and you are both on the same page, then you can start opening up more emotionally. You need to make a big effort to stay preoccupied and busy, spending time focusing on yourself.
You need to have your own life and be confident doing your own things. Make plans to visit friends, start working out, or better your skills on a new hobby. Avoid making yourself available for someone all the time, canceling your plans to accommodate them. Focus on your own life before you start making changes to accommodate for someone else.
You might wonder how this might mean you emotionally detach from someone, but if you keep yourself busy and invest in your own life, you are less available to that person and your thoughts are preoccupied as well. This means less time spent thinking about them, less time communicating with them, and less time depending on them to preoccupy your time. This is so important in the process of emotionally detaching, and overall just improves your confidence as well.
If you have a habit of becoming emotionally attached too soon, you are in luck. You can use the hurt and emotions you felt when you became emotionally attached too soon in the past and keep this in mind to motivate you to avoid doing it so soon again.
Chances are that you never want to feel like that again and you deserve so much more than putting yourself back into this position. You need to remember how fragile your heart is and to not give it away to just anyone.
Letting go should not be confused with giving up. Giving up means throwing your hands up in despair and settling down in disappointment and pain. Conversely, letting go means gently relinquishing your grasp on something or someone , and allowing yourself to move away in an organic, healthy, and hopeful trajectory. Substance abuse has millions of different reasons, pathways, and issues with persistence, and even if some are related to you, plenty more are not.
While the notion of non-attachment has existed for countless years, it has often been associated with various religious traditions, and may not have been given its due credence where mental health and emotional well-being are concerned.
Despite its ties to religion, the idea of letting go is a powerful one; understanding that you have no control over anything, but your actions, thoughts, and beliefs is initially frightening but can be wonderfully freeing. People with depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and more can glean some relief from learning how to let go. Letting go is not the same as giving up, on life or anything else; believing that you have no hope left and that death is sweeter is not letting go.
Instead, it is holding on to the idea that the world would be better off without you, or that your pain is too great. Learning how to let go or release these emotionally unhealthy thoughts and learning how to let go of what you once expected of yourself can help tremendously in easing feelings that are frightening, overwhelming, or downright alarming.
If you find yourself in need of learning how to let go-and gleaning the healing that comes along with it-consider reaching out to the therapists through ReGain.
A therapist can help you develop habits and tools that help you let go and move forward with whatever it is you need to let go of: relationships, trauma, old pain, confusion, abandonment, or even your expectations and agendas.
Therapy is not only for individuals with diagnosed conditions, or dramatic backgrounds or histories; therapy can be utilized by people with extreme problems, certainly, but it can also be used to optimize your life and create stronger habits and healthier behaviors. Letting go is difficult. Even when it is steeped in religious lore, it is acknowledged that letting go is not an easy path, however vital an undertaking it is.
Give yourself grace and patience as you move toward health and recovery from unhealthy habits, and recognize that letting go and learning to let go are ongoing practices, that take years-a lifetime, even-to cultivate, and that even a small daily practice of letting go can reap results years down the line.
He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup. Ultimately she helped me see that that the relationship hadn't been working for me, and she helped give me confidence to break out of the cycle and believe in myself in order to leave the situation. I would recommend her as a counselor to anyone going through personal or relationship issues!
How do you emotionally disengage from someone? If someone is having a negative impact on your mental health, it may be in your best interest to emotionally detach from that individual. Unfollowing or unfriending that person on social media is one way to emotionally detach from someone.
When you are able to be free of an emotional manipulator by emotionally detaching, you will feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
The process of detaching may be challenging, however, once you are free of burden on an unhealthy emotional level, you will be free of an emotionally abusive relationship. How do I emotionally detach from my husband? If your husband is emotionally unavailable , you may wonder if it is because of you, due to a mental health issue, or if he is not emotionally invested in the relationship.
When someone is emotionally detached or emotionally detaching, there can be a lot of thoughts and feelings on your behalf that you are wrestling through. You may want to ask yourself:.
Determining who detached first is important to analyzing why you want to emotionally detach from your husband. From there you need to separate your personal feelings for him from the situation you live in, and then move from there.
She is making demands of me, my behavior, my beliefs, and trying to control me including demanding unrealistic expectations of me. I have stated I can not meet her latest expectations, and she has stated I am not welcome at her home anymore.
Our relationship as it used to be is done. I love her and pray for her, but I need to let go of any semblance of a deep relationship which we used to have. Things will never be the same, and I need to be okay with a minimal or nonexistent relationship with her. Even if she chooses to love me as I am at some point, I am hoping to be healthier, happier, and more confident about who I am and what I stand for…and love and respect myself in the process.
I still love my ex. I had to block him on social media and my phone for my emotional health. I work with him and it hurts so much I need to put him out of my life to the point that I want to leave my job to avoid him. I was committed but he wanted casual. I try everyday not to think about him. Dating others just reminds me of him and I get sad. I hate stringing along people.
It is cruel. Please offer any advice to help me let go! Something that has helped me is starting new hobbies, being excited about something new. I hope this advice helps and good luck. Divorcee with 2 grown up kids. Now in living together with my ex boyfriend about more than three years. Even I tried so many times. I just wanted to have simple life where I can live the way it is. Hi, Im writing this 6months after i asked someone out, someine i was deeply in love with and attached to.
We were together in some of our classes and often sat together. I was never great at reading signals but I was sure she would say yes if I asked her. Unfortunately, she didnt. That was really difficult as i kept telling everyone I was ok and was happy, but I wasnt and still find it hard to think about nearly 6months on.
Were still in regular contact and text and go on calls together, but im so attached to her. When she calls or texts, my heartrate jumps and I suddenly get excited at the thought of her texting, but when she hangs up on the call, theres an emptiness in my heart, I start to feel anxious and I have an unexplainable feeling of anguish.
I really hate it. Im nearly breaking down saying this right now. Because the situation has caused me so much pain and emotional suffrring.
I cant count how many times Ive cried over her, and how much she has dictated my thoughts over the last 6months. I care deeply about her and while its nice to be friends with her, I know that when school ends i cant be attached to her as itll result in huge problems for me not seeing her. Im so desperate now. I really just want to stop feeling liek this.
Ive hard some really hard days and it shows how attached i had got to her in the period of the last year. Im fearful of when i wont be able to talk to her anymore, she makes me a better person, im so much happier when shes around, her smile always brightens up the room and shes one of the nicest people i have ever met in my life and shes always looking out for her friends and expects nothing in return and shes just a really lovely person.
But at the same time, I have to distance myself from her, because the emotional pain is too severe and i cant go on living like this,waiting for her to call or text, its agony, whenevr i see her face in a picture, my heart jsut tightens, I dont know what im gonna do , this has been sucha difficult time and i know people have gone through tougher things, but i cant cope with this anymore, i cant explain how i feel right now, its just sadness, its just utter sadness, i have withdrawal symptoms when i finish talking to her, my mental health is at an all time low, i have no one to tqlk to about it as shes my probably my best friend but i have an unhealthy attachment to her.
I hope i can get through this but itll be a long painful journey. Hello abc…hru this point? I am going through break up also. Official around same time as you. Felt it coming months.. I know very well about the agony!! I am still processing. From one Laurie to another Laurie! I am so grateful to have chanced on this. Reading this is so helpful. I have thought of writing him a letter for ages as we have never discussed the end… He has not wanted to.
He is in a new relationship and I have been surprised how much that has affected me. I am strong, independent and know who I really am but reading this is really going to help me let go. Thank you x. It has only been about a week since my break up from someone I had been with for 13years. My husband has intimacy anorexia. He refuses to go to therapy, will not allow me to talk about my emotions.
He will not share his emotions, becomes defensive when I ask if we can talk. We get along fine if I do not talk about anything involving feelings. I was blind-sides and shocked to learn after 40 years of marriage that he is a sex addict he brought this into the marriage. He will attend one 12 step meeting a week but will not pursue true recovery. Experts in the field of sex addiction state a sex addict must have a sponsor and several male friends as accountability partners.
They must adopt a lifestyle of replacing the addiction with healthy lifestyle choices such as hobbies, being in community with other men, exercising, eating healthy. He refuses to believe the experts I have been in contact with many and he has watched a few videos by these experts. He has not kept his promise one of many and cannot understand why I do not trust him. In his 12 step meeting he is expected to rebuild trust by actions not words. I am unable to support myself financially as I am unable to work at all.
I have been through three car accidents as a passenger and have had two serious surgeries. I am working with my lawyer on my personal injury settlement. After I receive my settlement I will have money to live on my own. I started a support group for betrayed women and have worked hard on my own healing. I see a therapist weekly. I have become strong and know what I want in a relationship. A sex addict manipulates, gaslights, stonewalls, is defensive and lies, lies, lies.
If anyone is the praying type, I need prayer to stand solid in who I am and what I need and deserve. Yes I am unable to detach and it is a slow burn mental torture. My husband cannot share his emotions and ignores mine. He spends all his time on social media calls or texting. I have spent two years in individual therapy to try to help me love myself and get over this feeling of failure so I am desperate to learn skills to be able to detach from the toxic things he says.
I think my husband still loves his ex. He just says I like you but I never feel it from his actions. His mom and sister are always his priority before me and his kid. Why this happened with me? I feel like living this world. He had physical relationship with his ex with whom he used to talk after marriage of our too when I was pregnant. He never give me attention. Always stay busy with his phone playing games watching videos. Never eats with me never give attention.
Will talk to me only when he is willing. Never willing to listen to me. Why God does with me like this? I have no one to talk with. Not even parents supporting me. I am not willing to live. You just wrote the story of my marriage! I have discovered the magical peace in mindfulness meditation. Therapy helps too! Good luck and God bless you in this new journey of self discovery and healing!
How do I stop loving you? How do I move on? How do I not feel like a bad joke or worthless to myself cause I feel like a failure to this marriage even though I know this is not my fault? This is what you wanted, cause you are the one that lied and cheated not me. My 23 year relationship has just ended after mutual agreement. However, this last year or so had got really toxic.
Terrible rows and insults thrown back and forth. We decided that enough was enough and for our Daughters sake we should throw in the towel as it just was not healthy for anyone to be that environment. I live in the house with my daughter and he is at his parents.
It is now 5 weeks and although at first all I could think about was the bad times, which to be honest, helped me. I now can only remember all the good times. Lovely holidays together, fabulous friends and get togethers, lots of laughs and just simple family time sitting together and talking to each other. I still love my husband and it is very difficult to let go emotionally.
I have joined a gym which I enjoy and have been going for the last 5 weeks but now my daughter is 15 she tends to go out on her bike with friends or play on her xbox. I need to remember all the times I felt along when I was with him, the times I felt unloved and unwanted.
My husband was a real flirty type and the times we rowed about him showing attention to other women in front of me. It always made me feel so insecure. I have to try to remember why we are at this point. All the reasons we came to this decision to split but for the life of me all that comes through are the good times which makes it almost impossible for me to feel I can move forward.
I am afraid of the future, being alone, being financially broke and even possibly losing my home if he decided in the future that I should sell.
Am I too old to start again? Hang in there Carol. I was married for 34 yrs. I met someone shortly after the divorce, we were together for almost 2 yrs. This relationship has now ended. After the first year there the relationship began to have fall outs. I was with someone who now wanted to control me and the things that he found attractive were often what caused arguments. I too am feeling lost and lonely, I pray, I talk to myself and my dogs to try to find the strength to get thru this.
My children are grown and both live far away. I made a list of the negatives not the positives this is what I find helpful to look back at several times a day when I start to doubt my decision. Everyone keeps telling me live will go on and I will find happiness again and someday find someone that makes me happy. I am a 16 year old girl. Before that he told me that he wanted to be friends but during our friendship he treated me super special and like we were in a relationship and i was the only girl in the world.
That made me catch feelings for this guy. But he just straight up just tells me that he wants to remain friends. I try to understand him but he basically lead me on and how ghosting me is the worst part. I feel like this is all my fault for catching feelings and I messed everything up.
I am super attached to him. It hurts more and more everyday. What should I do? Or any advice please? What is often hard to accept is the fact that we have little or no control over what other people choose to do. And considering how special he made you feel, it is not at all surprising that you are feeling so devastated. Please know, your feelings are normal, and they are justified. You are pre-approved! If you can focus on these truths, it might make it easier to let him go.
You need to feel the pain of the loss of him in order to heal and move on. I believe you are a strong girl and you can do this! Where do I start? I have been with my partner for 28 years. We have 3 daughters. Her dad used to drink a lot and was very abusive, especially verbally.
I really love her and the worst is that I am still staying on the same property. Just moved to a separate entrance.
My mind keeps wandering if it is something I did or not doing. I am not saying that I am not to blame. There were things I did about 10 years ago but i asked her forgiveness and things were fine. I feel like I felt when I was an alcoholic.
Withdrawal symptoms. Then no talking until I am needed again. I just want my mind to stop wandering so much and it feels like I am addicted to something. Anger will push up inside of me. I blame God and make deals with Him just so i can be with my partner of, basically a lifetime.
She wants to tell me how my hair must be cut, what shoes to wear, etc. You mentioned you feel like an addict trying to get his fix. But you have to stay committed to it. Do this for yourself. I had a 4 year relationship end 3 weeks today. I knew it had to end — he ended it. I truly did love him. And it just hurts now all the time. I constantly remind myself how bad we were — how much he drove me crazy. But my heart cannot rectify this.
I feel so alone. And on top of it, I feel my friends have abandoned me. Hello Christina I just broke up with my ex and was wondering how you were doing now?
Married 22 years and have a 9 year old son. My wife told me in July that she was a lesbian,and has never loved me the way that I deserved. We have always gotten along well, never fight and always discussed issue when they came up in our marriage. The last 3 months have been a rollercoaster.
Her journey is different than mine. We are still together and trying to figure out where this all leads. I am broken hearted and now realise I must distance myself emotionally before I can continue my journey in life. This will take time. This will not be easy.
I am prepared to do this as I cannot fix the unwanted reality of my new life. She has taken the weight off of her shoulders and put them on mine. I have been having an affair with a married man for just over a year. I love him more than I ever thought I could love. And I know now that I have been fooling myself that one day he will be mine. He is never going to be mine, and I am unable to accept this.
We are only able to see each other once a week for about an hour. I am so exhausted with only being able to see him when his schedule permits. I would love to find the courage to end this, but the heartbreak that will follow will rip me apart. I am not married, and I am alone. My children are grown and do not live at home. I am not afraid of being alone, only afraid of walking away from a man that I love so deeply. If I stay, I will regret it.
If I leave, I will have a broken heart. Broken Love, do you realize that the man you are with is the type of man that cheats on his wife? You are having a relationship in a fantasy bubble. Not the real world. Let that sink in.
It actually is possible to save a relationship if only one person cares enough to try. The fact is that nobody is perfect. Couples may have been stuck in a toxic pattern and chances are, they both contributed to the toxicity. He was toxic and abusive to me. I lost everything including myself. I was destroyed when my ex left me for the other man she had and the crack she sells her body to get so they can both smoke all day long.
I knew about him and we all became friends because she got to liking him after renting a room in his house. They try to be my friend. I feel uncomfortable and feel worthless and hopeless.
I think myself superior to this man in every way but I still am not good enough to be loved. I can see the end just around the corner.
I wish I would just die. I just want to be loved and appreciated again. Robert, this will be hard to read. I have experienced addiction first hand with two family members. Please listen. Addicts care about one thing and one thing only: their next fix.
They will step over their own mother to get that fix. They must feed it, thus they become monsters: liars, users, thieves, prostitutes, abusers, you name it. They will use anyone and anything to get that fix. I was robbed in my own kitchen by an addict who tricked me into leaving the room to get her aspirin. You are being used. They keep you on the string with the phone calls, and maybe even occasional sex with your ex.
You will never be free until you find the inner strength to walk away completely. Please try to give your generous heart a wakeup call before they take you down permanently. And when they do, they will walk right over your lifeless body to the next kind soul who tries to help them. I never do this, but your story enraged me on your behalf. And having seen it first hand, I recognize it for exactly what it is.
You seem to be a kind person deserving of all the good life can offer. I implore you to get out while you still can. I was destroyed when my ex left me for the other man she had. I am a 58 year old man. People, whether male or female, should show compassion towards someone they are leaving. Cutting someone off cold turkey is a psychologically violent form of abuse.
Yes, it is. People make mistakes. But inflicting a wound unnecessarily because someone is uncomfortable with tending to unfinished business, is the epitome of selfishness. Unless someone is clearly insane or dangerous, give them a break. I have concluded it a lot to do will identifying yourself e.
I am now focusing on conveying my values to my daughter but see in her that most of them exist already in her already. Maybe it is so that other people corrupt who we started out to be. I am guided now not by my ego, but more by my self-identity and MY values. And just hope one day I have the opportunity to share them with a lover. Thank you. This gives me great perspective on my situation.
I came out of a very narcissistic marriage of ten years and struggle to gain control of my emotions in my current relationship when he causes pain or stress in my life. I truly feel that I have to be content and happy on my own and not rely on another person or relationship to do that for me.
If I do that its going to be a constant rollercoaster of emotions and me wanting to run away. I do need to truly consider if he is meant for me. Wonderful information about how to emotionally detach from someone you care about, thanks for sharing your thoughts. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone. As you gently let go, your emotions will stay in check.
In other cases — like if the relationship is traumatic or involves domestic abuse or mistreatment — moving slowly may make things worse and cause more distress. Consider talking about next steps with a professional who specializes in these types of relationships. While it can be difficult to talk about them with other people, it can be helpful to work through your emotions in some way.
A journal can be a great way to process your feelings in a healthy, cathartic way. Meditating can train your awareness and attention, which can be especially helpful during a highly emotional break-up. Meditation can also increase your focus, reduce your stress, encourage calm, and help reduce negative feelings.
Walking away from a relationship that was important to you can be challenging. So, try to give yourself some grace and patience to move on.
Remember that you can learn how to have healthy attachments. Sexual contact can strengthen your attachment and make it nearly impossible to successfully leave the relationship. As tempting as it might be to temporarily forget about the pain and work of leaving a relationship, alcohol and drugs provide only temporary forgetfulness of the problem. Instead of looking for an escape in alcohol or drugs, try to face your feelings and the relationship head-on.
If an in-person support group is too overwhelming for you, consider a virtual one. Having the support of loved ones can play a role in you successfully leaving an unhealthy or harmful relationship. Consider asking people you trust for their support and love during this challenging time. Explain that you might need them more during the coming months and communicate your challenges.
It will allow you to process your experience and come out the other side stronger and more able to form healthy attachments in the future.
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