Then light a candle for DH from your candle. Tell him that you gave DH all your love. Then light a candle for him from your and DH's candles. Tell him that you gave him all your love but DH still has all your love because love is magic that way. Then light DD's candle, and again say how you gave her all your love, but he and DH still have all your love because that's how love is. It will also help to read him lots of books about the new baby, from the big sibling's perspective.
Click here for a whole list of books for big brother. Protect your daughter AND adjust your discipline methods. Never leave him unsupervised with the baby.
Little ones cannot be expected to control those jealous emotions and the stakes are just too high to take a chance. That split lip is a warning, supervise closely. Try to avoid admonishing him. If you notice him getting rough, quickly move the baby away from him, and distract him with a question, song or story. I won't let you hit. Use your words and tell me. If you need help to protect your toys, call me and I will help you. Stop doing timeouts. I know that "experts" often recommend timeouts, but they actually make kids feel worse about themselves and erode the parent-child relationship, which leads to more misbehavior.
Most kids can't cope with their complex emotions about the new baby -- usually a combination of protectiveness and the desire to flush the baby down the toilet -- and feel guilty.
If they act out because of the pressure of their tangled-up feelings, and parents react with timeouts, they are confirmed in their conclusion that they are a bad person for hating the baby, and the situation spirals down into further tantrumming and hitting. Click here for more info about why Timeouts actually cause more misbehavior.
The only reason kids behave is because of their connection with us. When we punish, they feel bad about themselves and misbehave more. The worse they behave, the more they need our love and compassion. What should you do instead? Set limits, but stay connected to him while you set those limits by offering empathy. Connection is what keeps kids cooperating. Click here for a whole section on how to put positive discipline into practice in your house. It is not necessary to yell so that he knows what he did is wrong.
He knows it is wrong, he just can't help himself in the press of all these hateful feelings. Yelling makes him feel worse, since it feels like you don't love him anymore. In that case, why not just beat his sister up? I know you're yelling because you're frustrated.
Try to remind yourself to see it from his point of view. When DS starts to lose it, empathize with him "This is so hard for you, and you are feeling so bad right now. Let's go take some space until we feel better, ok?
Sit with him. If he'll let you hold him, great. If he's too angry to be held, just say "I know you're really upset right now. Take however much time you need to calm down.
I'm here if you need me. If you're too upset to stay calm, then don't try to stay with him. But be clear that he is in charge of coming back to the embrace of his family whenever he's ready. Just say "I'm upset too, so I'm going to go calm down a bit. Whenever you're ready, come find me and let's give each other a big hug. Make sure he knows he still has an important role in the family. Reinforce all the wonderful things about who he is and how he contributes to the family.
Talk often about the fact that each member of the family is important in their own way and makes their own special contribution. The family needs each person for it to be whole. This is not the time for asking DS to be a big kid. Expect regression. Let him be a baby as much as he wants to be. Give him lots of extra love and attention. Pick a few really important rules to enforce, and relax about things that don't matter as much, at least for now. The important rules? No hitting.
No hurting. No bullying. Again, your response to these things is to set the limit, not to punish him. If he's mouthy to you, I would just say "Wow. That hurts my feelings. I don't speak to you like that and I don't like it when you speak to me like that. You must be pretty mad. Reviewed: November 15, Would your siblings describe you as a good sister? Specific qualities embody the nature of a good sister, but are they on your list?
Check out the five signs of a good sister, and decide if you have room for improvement. Loyalty Being a person that your siblings can count on epitomizes a good sister. She works through issues and disagreements without abandoning anyone. Honesty Your siblings need to know that they can trust you to be up front with them.
Be honest in love, meaning that you gently share your opinion when asked and discern whether your opinion would be valuable when not asked. In family relationships, particularly with siblings, aggression and difficulties precede affection and love. At first this person seems like a rival and then later on you can have other kinds of feelings. But there is a great deal of it built in. It makes sense: evolution requires us to be the one who survives, to be the one who prevails.
But I think what screws up siblings more than anything else are parents. Q: I want to explore that. In your look at the Old Testament, the Bible reads like a soap opera of sibling strife and bad parenting. A: I have never had so much fun writing anything as writing about the Book of Genesis. Q: You even take the Heavenly Father to the woodshed, for inexplicably rejecting Cain while favouring the younger brother Abel [who is then murdered by his jealous brother].
Is Genesis a cautionary tale? There is really a trajectory in Genesis from the first sibling murdering the second, to Joseph at the end of Genesis actually reconciling with his brothers. It takes forever, but they accomplish it. I loved Leah and Rachel [the two battling sisters who shared Jacob as a husband]. A: And aggressive-aggressive. They were so embroiled in their rivalry they destroyed their whole world really, and the next generation, because they set up Joseph and his brothers.
Until I was researching this book I had never really seen the contemporary relevance of [Genesis]. We have blended families. We have stepchildren. We have twins. Women are no better than men at this. A really critical character in Genesis, to my mind, is Esau, who was not favoured, and, in fact, was screwed by everybody in the family. He gets over it. He has his own life. Having your own life. Getting out of being a victim.
As an agnostic Jew I can tell you I was very impressed. The Bible is much more sophisticated about siblings than Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis—my discipline. A: He certainly did. I really make a point of why Freud ignored those things and the consequences for psychotherapy of his avoidance.
And one quirk of the sibling bond is that it leads to a disproportionate amount of strong positive and strong negative relationships.
In other words, t here are few influences more meaningful than a brother or sister. Because siblings are often our first peers, sibling relationships tend to follow fairly predictable patterns. Younger siblings are fascinated by older siblings and eager to learn their customs and games; older siblings test out leadership skills and conflict resolution on their younger brothers and sisters.
These interactions are largely positive: Older sibling-younger sibling power dynamics melt away over time, Killoren says, when younger siblings hit late adolescence. After that, everyone is equal, which leads to better conflict resolution. Of course, the positive effects of sibling relationships change over time. As children mature, siblings take on more practical responsibilities, helping one another with schoolwork or with navigating friendships outside the family. These effects can also vary with gender.
Siblings can also serve as sources of comfort in adulthood. What was dad like? Good sibling relationships are the norm, but bad sibling relationships happen. And they can have strong negative effects. Indeed, sibling relationships are also the most violent relationships between family members. Sibling bullying is a real problem, with some studies suggesting that up to 80 percent of children report being bullied by their brothers or sisters.
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